Monday, November 19, 2012

Torn between two

I cannot even make up my mind. You told me he's not good enough for me, but it seems I'm not good enough for you. I told you, all I wanted was you. You know me better then any other. Know what to say when I get upset. You know me so well. I do not want to start over again. We cant be just be friends, because then I may not speak to you as I should. You give advice to people. But you cant use your own advice. To pass love. Is it my pass? what did I do to make you not trust me. Sometimes I feel you are playing games with me. Testing me. Like I am not worth it to you at all. Your wrong the man I date is worth it and he is good enough for me. You may not think so. But now I do not care what you think. You had your chance. There is no friends. I am a women who knows what I want. I know now you are not Him.

Sunday, September 9, 2012


I can not think clearly. Thoughts tangled in a thick web. What I have to do is what I do not want to do. It's hard
to act as if everything is alright. I know it's not. I know things that hurt, I just can't bring my self to ask or say whats really on my mind. Every time I try my heart beats 30 miles per hour, as if it's racing my thoughts. Thoughts that clutter my mind.

I've done, what was needed to be done. No need to explain my self. I all ready have, seems the message has not got through soul. Maybe misunderstood by my words I've written. I want an understanding that stands as a statement from my heart onto. I'm trying to be more positive. Lose all the things that distracts me in life. Work on
my relationship with my Bio teacher(i don't like her). Besides that, numbers don't mean a thing. Distance matters. So close any moment your face could appear, myself unaware.  Then so far I can't touch.

I hate when they say your to young to know anything. But I do know what I see. Things confuse me on the spot, I'm stuck with no reaction, just to walk away as if nothing happened. As if I haven't seen a thing. My mind dwells hard, but, my words will not spill from my mouth. Stuck with Bubble yum. Swallowing every word every period, every comma, and every breath.  Unsure of the reaction I'd get.

It's an confession I will not live to tell.......

Friday, January 20, 2012

Friday, January 13, 2012

New Year....New Me!!!

Well it's  friday the 13th , my day was some what bad but yu know how things lightn up... I let go of a lot of things... Things that could hold me back...People ..Friends...Lovers..I'm solo...This is my year...Lord knows how much I want it...Just gotta keep my ass in school for the next five months...Summer time and I gotta car best believe work is on my mind...Soon as I this car I'm goin hard.....In the mean time I'm goin hard for FAST$CASHent. I put my blood sweat and tears into my music just to let it be known...I put my all in the album covers and posters theres no stopn me now...Fuck a man I can do this along with my crew,myself, my own... sincerely, CTB fast$cashbitch

Sunday, September 4, 2011

It Doesn't Even Matter

Nothing even matters. Not a breath worth air without you matters. The pass is the pass keep it a bay. Keep my heart for the lord may save me. Fault me not for I have sinned. Have love in vain. Witch brings me back to the lord to save me and of my name. Other have try'd to bring me down. I have not not broke before them but as seen by family. Anger brings a cool dark cloud above my head. Emotions are felt as thoughts fill the mind. Positive thoughts bring happy actions. Negative thoughts bring sadness more likely anger moods and actions. So if it's our thoughts that make our emotions then how do we love? How do we feel loved? If you love someone you more likely want them to be in your life regardless of how far or how ever messed up things get. Love is a bond to the soul of the one whom loves back. This bond can be broke but not if it means much more. More then a game more then the cut. More then life it self. Friends (to me) can't be trusted with nothing. I've learned that the hard way. I put my trust to someone who deceived me. Disturbed my home. Then tried to corrupt me for all i build myself to  be. Tell me why is it so hard to be true??? This earth runs with demons that have been here before our time...that another story for another day.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

On My Mind

Why? Is the question I ask. who? Is it not me that's on your mind. How? Do you stay on my mind countless times a day?  Would I ever take you back? Yes, because my love for you runs deep. Are you saying you don't want me? Do you think about me at times? Did you call the next day after we broke up? Seeing is believing, but why can't I believe it? It's right in my face. I lost you to keep my pride. Head high I rather it be down with you by my side. I can tell you it was not a lie. I don't know rather to call you or leave it be. Tell me. Am I the one you want. Do you believe I'm going on a marry-go-round. I do. Protection is my goal. For you to understand why I do things. Do you get me mad, yes you do. One time you got mad and hated me after. Just about small things. Do I still love you? Yes, I do your heart lays in mine. Do I cry for you? Yes, I do miss you. Sometimes I'm mad, because you don't hold me or kiss me. Are we together? No, because you think to much and your thoughts get you out of line and weird. Why did I draw my gun? You hurt me. Never again will I fright fire with fire. Now what do I have? School. School. School. So you'll be seeing me riding B.I.G..   Do I still love you? Yes I do but it hurt to think of you every time I close my eyes I see you. My note book is filled with letters I want to give to you. But seems I can't. Your a man. You'll just throw them away. I'm not sure. I'm unsure. Not confused in any way. When I'm with you everything is a sure thing. I need to stop thinking of you. I can't sleep. Even when you were by my side I could not sleep. It's something about you that drives me road-rage. We don't have trust. We don't have a bond. So where is love coming from. If it isn't love then why do I feel this why? Why do you stay on my mind? If it isn't love why dose it hurt so bad? Make me feel so sad? This oh so true. He took my heart. No one will ever take it again. I can't describe this feeling I have for him.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Writers choice

This is what I do. Any and every thing I could top my last. No matter if it's a pen to a sheet of paper, my fingers on the key-bored, thoughts in my mine flow. From some places far from this earth, I discovered a great gift that only I can make better. I can put my dream to work; like a slave in the sun. No brakes no backing down. Writing is apart of my life as well as art. Make things people won't believe till they see. Write from my heart just so you will understand. I have many story's I want to share with the world. Many true some I seen in life. Some off the top of my mind. Some I see in my dreams at night. No matter what happens there will be an update. No matter how I'm feeling. You will feel it as you read. I have writers I love like Eric Drome Dicky, and so many more. But the books I read are exciting I cant wait to get to the next page. While I fell in love with writing my mine stared to shift and change into a new road. In witch I follow.